5 Most Influential Books My Small Group Read (and Still Talks About)
Over the past eight years, my small group has shared hundreds of meals, prayers, and deep-dive discussions. We’ve waded through various Bible studies, some good and some bad. Looking back there are a handful of books that stand out as pivotal for our growth as a group.
These aren't just books we read, shelved and forgot about. These five books became foundational to our collective culture. They gave us a shared language to explain things that were previously difficult to articulate—like why we react a certain way in conflict or how we uniquely experience God. If you’re looking for a resource that will stick with your group long after the end of the study, these five are a great place to start.
1. How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
How We Love is written by a married couple. They talk about how early childhood can shape how we communicate and receive love. According to the authors, most of us fall into one of five "Love Styles": Avoider, Pleaser, Vacillator, Controller, or Victim. The book also offers a variety of practical exercises for couples to work on emotional communication. While reading this book, most of the group scoffed at, rolled their eyes, or said “that’s never going to happen” to some of the practical suggestions. So, be forewarned, some of this books is a little cringe. Even if we did not incorporate the specific practices into our group, we frequently referred to this book when talking about miscommunication in our marriages.
This book is on the long side. The middle section of the book has a chapter for each combination of love styles. For this set of chapters, we assigned each person to only read the chapter relevant to their marriage/relationship.
Great For: a married couples group, young adults headed towards marriage, women’s group of mostly married women
2. I Said This, You Heard That by Kathleen Edelman
If How We Love is about the motivation of our communication, I Said This, You Heard That is about the actual words of our communication. Edelman uses the four classic temperaments—Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic—to explain why communication so often breaks down. She refers to each of these temperaments as colors: yellow, red, blue, and green. We are each wired with an innate temperament that dictates how we naturally respond to the world and communicate with others.
Edelman puts a strong emphasis on leaning into each temperament’s strengths. This is especially helpful for people navigating a challenging workplace environment, or lots of personalities at home. Understanding what someone needs to hear to be encouraged and feel loved is a vital skill to living peacefully as Jesus calls us to.
This book radically changed how we talked about relationships during studies and when sharing our lives. We started to view our family and friends with more grace. It allowed us to help our kids shine in the way that God made them. We were better able to identify and communicate our needs to others.
Our small group referred back to this book more than any other study we have done in the last eight years.
Great For: any group of any age and any life stage, especially in a work place or organizational small group
3. Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas
Thomas identifies nine different "spiritual temperaments," such as Naturalists (who love God outdoors), Sensates (who love God through the senses), and Intellectuals (who love God through study). It validated our individual walks with God. We stopped trying to fit into a spiritual mold and started leaning into our natural bents—whether that was a hike in the woods or a deep dive into theology.
Reading this book also helped us craft our events for the group in a way that most fed us spiritually. For example, our group has many naturalists, we have found that we all love taking retreats in cabins in nature. This gives us many opportunities to worship and have quiet time where we feel most connected to God. Your own group will have its own unique dynamic and ways of connecting. Sacred Pathways is a great way to learn more about your group’s personal worship style.
Great For: any group of any age and any life stage, especially groups who have formed within the last year
4. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
The Road Back to You is an introduction to the Enneagram from a Christian perspective. It is a personality typing system that focuses on our internal motivations rather than just our external behaviors. There are nine personality types, each with its own way of seeing the world and its own set of blind spots. Just like I Said This, You Heard That, this book allowed us to have more grace towards the people around us.
It was especially helpful for understanding our spouses better, and identifying our own weaknesses that we needed to work on. By the end of our study our books were filled with highlights and notes.
The Enneagram in popular culture is often used by non-Christians, and can sometimes be connected to astrology or other non-Christian beliefs. Cron and Stabile beautifully redeem this personality system and root it in biblical teaching.
Great For: women’s groups, young professionals, married groups
5. Home Management by Kim Brenneman
While the other books on this list focused on our internal worlds and relationships, Brenneman’s book brought the conversation into very practical, everyday life. It’s a grace-filled guide to everything it takes to run a household. Managing a home isn't just about chores; it’s a ministry of hospitality and stewardship. Brenneman breaks down the overwhelming nature of home into manageable routines, from laundry and meal planning to creating a peaceful atmosphere.
Brenneman is a mother to eight children, and lives on a small farm. This background means she has had many opportunities to perfect a system through trial and error. Not every system in her book will work for every family. We used this book as an opportunity to think about our own systems and what will work uniquely for each of our households, not as a prescriptive system to follow exactly.
What most surprised us about this book was how much spiritual encouragement was laced throughout. We loved this book so much that we did this study twice.
This book is big. It has lots of short chapters. We cherry picked chapters that addressed the pain points of most people in the group. There is also a study workbook that you can complete, written by the original author.
Great For: women’s groups, newly married groups, college age women preparing to enter full adulthood, any group who feels the burden of running a house
What These Books Have in Common
Looking back over eight years, it’s clear why these specific titles stuck. They all share three vital characteristics. Each book acts as a mirror, helping us see our own patterns, motivations, and habits more clearly. Collectively these books address why people act (and live) the way they do. Over time, we developed a shared vocabulary that helped us have deep discussions. Most importantly, these authors improved our communication and empathy in a way that allowed us to live with more peace. And who doesn’t want more peace in their life?
If your small group feels like it's spinning its wheels, I can't recommend these enough. They don't just change how you talk; they change how you see—and care for—one another.
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